Wolfenstein

WOAH WOAH WOAH.

Wolfenstein? Is it 1981?

It is not, but just for the heck of it, we're going to have a quick run through of the Wolfenstein series.

Castle Wolfenstein (1981, Muse Software)

Castle Wolfenstein practically defined the stealth game genre. They did it first. But since they did it first, they didn't quite get it right (like when the Athenians tried Democracy). The game is viewed from a top down perspective, though characters and treasure chests are drawn from a sideways perspective. This makes them easier to identify, but also gives the impression that everyone is sliding around on their backs.

The nameless protagonist finds himself inside Castle Wolfenstein, deep in Nazi Germany during World War II. He must take as much treasures and intelligence documents as he can and escape.

Ironically, killing Nazis in this game is something of a bad idea, as your only methods of killing them are grenades, which make a lot of noise.

Instead the player must rely on stealth, wits, and the occasional disguise to win the day.

The game was a pioneer not only in the stealth genre, but also in game sound. It was the first game to feature spoken voices for characters. (Nazis would yell "Halt!" or "Kommen Sie!" at the player.)

Beyond Castle Wolfenstein (1984, Muse Software)

A direct sequel to Castle Wolfenstein, the player controls (presumably) the same nameless Allied Spy. Except this time, you're not just looting Nazi treasure chests. This time you're out to blow up the Führer himself.

Also you have a gun now. Which is still loud, but not quite so much as grenades.

Wolfenstein 3D (1992, id Software)

A reboot and reimagining of the series, Wolfenstein 3D defined the modern FPS, and for all intents and purposes, can be considered the first FPS.

The player takes control of B.J. Blazkowicz (Blaz-ko-vitch), a US spy of Polish descent. B.J. is in many ways, your standard 1980s action hero, and is in fact depicted on the original game box with his shirt off.

The game consists of three episodes, the first of which was released as shareware.

In the first, Escape from Castle Wolfenstein, you... escape... from Castle Wolfenstein. Pretty straightforward. Your escape is blocked by Hans Grosse, an absurdly large German soldier wearing heavy metal body armor and wielding two chainguns.

In the second, Operation: Eisenfaust, B.J. finds that Nazi scientists are creating undead mutants with machineguns for sternums (seriously) in Castle Hollehammer, and must stop them by killing Dr. Schabbs.

In the third, Die, Führer, Die, you have to kill Hitler. However, this is not so easy as you might expect, as Hitler is equipped with a huge metal suit and FOUR chainguns. Hitler as depicted in this form is listed as one of the top 100 best video game bosses of all time.

Wolfenstein 3D: The Nocturnal Missions (1992, id Software)

An additional three episodes, set before Escape from Castle Wolfenstein, but still depicting B.J. Blazkowicz.

In A Dark Secret, B.J. pursues and kills Dr. Otto Giftmacher, responsible for German research into chemical warfare.

In Trail of the Madman, B.J. searches for more Nazi plans and chemical research, culminating in a battle with Gretel Grosse (Han's sister).

In Confrontation, B.J. eliminates the Nazi chemical war initiative by fighting and killing General Fettgesicht.

Spear of Destiny (1993, id Software)

Another prequel to Wolfenstein 3D, the player leads B.J. Blazkowicz on a mission to recover the Spear of Destiny from Nazi possession after it was stolen from Versailles. While Spear of Destiny was only one episode, it was notably longer than the other six, and featured five boss fights. Trans Gross (brother to Hans and Gretel), Barnacle Wilhelm (a German General responsible for the theft of the spear), the Übermutant (an extra powerful mutant created by Dr. Schabbs), and the Death Knight (a battlesuit designed to guard the spear).

After defeating the Death Knight, the player obtains the Spear and fights the final boss, the Angel of Death.

Return to Castle Wolfenstein (2001, id Software)

Despite the rather sequel-y name, Return is actually another reboot of the series. Unlike previous incarnations of the game, Return to Castle Wolfenstein featured a very in depth story with a heavy focus on the Nazi interest in the occult and supernatural.

The player once again takes control of B.J. Blazkowicz, and finds himself pulled from military service to work for the OSA or Office of Secret Actions, a fictional spinoff of the OSS or Office of Secret Services.

The main antagonist of the game is Oberführer Wilhelm "Deathshead" Strauss, who hopes to create the ultimate soldiers via bioengineering and cybernetics.

Wolfenstein RPG (2008, id Software)

Wolfenstein RPG borrows heavily from Wolfenstein 3D, while being streamlined and slowed down to be played on mobile devices, namely cell phones. Combat is done in a turn based fashion.

Wolfenstein (2009, id Software)

Ah, now this is what we've been waiting for!

Wolfenstein is a sequel to Return to Castle Wolfenstein. The opening cutscene reveals B.J. kicking a whole ton of ass on a Nazi warship before being cornered by a lot of Nazis with guns. He holds up a medallion, and it shields him from their bullets before magically vaporizing all of them. B.J. escapes via airplane as the ship explodes. Upon his return to OSA headquarters, he is assigned a new mission. He is to go to the fictional German city of Isentadt and meet with Caroline Becker, leader of the Kreisau Circle, an anti-Nazi resistance movement.

The game is semi-linear in design, with Isenstadt itself being very sandbox like, though rather small, and travelling to certain other areas triggering linear missions.

B.J. has to take out the leader of the Nazis in the area, General Zetta, who is then replaced by Wilhelm Deathshead Strauss.

The game features eight guns, five real and three fictional, which can be upgraded throughout the course of the campaign by buying parts at the Black Market using stolen Nazi gold.

One important element of gameplay is the Thule Medallion, acquired during one of the early missions. The Medallion offers several abilities, unlocked one at a time as you progress through the story, that are required to beat the game.

Veil Sight allows the player to view the overlapping area between this dimension and the Black Sun dimension, making certain passages visible that would not normally be accessible.

Mire slows down time while allowing B.J. to move at normal speed, making it much easier to deal with fast moving enemies or enemies that are difficult to kill from a distance.

Shield throws up a large barrier that deflects bullets. With upgrades from the Black Market, it can destroy enemies who shoot it, as seen in the opening cutscene.

and Empower makes your shots more powerful, allowing them to go through shields, take out heavy armor, or just plain vaporize Nazi soldiers.

Hans Grosse also makes a reappearance, eventually showing up as the final boss, wearing a huge suit of mecha armor and wielding chainguns, in an obvious throwback to his original appearance in Wolfenstein 3D.

The Bottom Line: It's definitely Wolfenstein, and if you're a fan of any of the previous games, I strongly suggest you check it out. And if you just plain like shooters, I also suggest you check it out.

Halo 3: ODST

Yeah, yeah, another Halo, right? That was kinda how I felt about it for a while. The reason I relented and bought a copy new was simply because everyone else here at school is playing it, and I enjoy being able to multi-player game with people I know. However, after popping the game in and playing it, I wished I had preordered it, just so I could have had it two days sooner (and gotten that shiny limited edition controller too). First element of awesome: Your squad leader is NATHAN FUCKING FILLION. Not just in voice, but his face too. And on top of all that, the character (Gunnery Sergeant Edward Buck) is remarkably similar to Captain Malcolm Reynolds. To stack the awesome, Corporal "Dutch" Miles, the squad close combat and heavy weapons specialist, is voiced by Adam Baldwin, and remarkably like Jayne Cobb, and the squad Demolitions Expert (and pilot) is voiced by Alan Tudyk. I had a total Firefly-gasm when I found out about the cast.

Halo 3: ODST was originally conceived as a small game (possibly intended as a downloadable content for Halo 3) to pacify raving Halo fanatics while they waited for Halo: Reach. During production, it grew to a full scale game. In the game, you take control of a squad of Orbital Drop Shock Troopers (one at a time, of course) dropped into the city of New Mombasa, Kenya, shortly after the Covenant invasion of that city.

During the drop, the pods are scattered by an electromagnetic pulse created when a Covenant Warship enters slipspace. The Rookie is scattered the farthest from the course, and knocked unconscious on impact. You take control of him when he awakens six hours later, and scour the city for clues to the location of your squadmates. Every clue you find triggers a flashback sequence in which you take control of one of the other squad members.

But on to the aspect that makes or breaks any game (with the exception of any RPG with a really good story). Gameplay.

ODST is similar enough to Halo that veterans of the series will recognize it as the game they know and love, but different enough that those who disliked Halo for whatever reason might still enjoy ODST, should they give it a chance.

In lieu of shields, the ODSTs have stamina, which may remind some gamers of Call of Duty games. After taking a certain amount of damage, the screen will take on a red tint and you will hear your Marine gasping and grunting, indicating that your stamina is down. Low stamina does not affect your combat performance, but if you take damage when your stamina is depleted, it will cause damage to your health. Stamina will refill if you avoid taking damage for a short period of time, though it does not recharge as fast as a SPARTAN's shields, nor can it take as much damage. Health, on the other hand, does not recharge normally. To refill lost health, you must find a medkit, or biogel, or whatever they call it (it's all the same). Incidentally, if you grab one when your stamina is depleted, it will instantly refill your stamina, even if you are under fire.

As logic would demonstrate, the ODSTs cannot jump as high or punch as hard as the superhuman SPARTANs, and when you couple that with their reduced ability to take fire, the player must take a bit more care to avoid running into the middle of large groups of enemies.

However, there were some elements from Halo 3 that I did not expect to be carried over. Like Master Chief, any of the ODSTs can destroy enemy tanks by jumping on them and punching the hatch until it breaks and killing the pilot. I do not fully understand how unaugmented humans have the ability to break tanks with their fists. You can also still rip turrets off their posts and take them with you. This alone is somewhat strange, but when you couple the fact that carrying a turret does not detract from your ability to run and jump, you might seriously question the folks down at Bungie.

Despite this, the *cough* tactical run-and-gun gameplay is solid enough to forgive these mistakes.

ODST also includes a multiplayer game mode called Warzone. For those of you familiar with Gears of War's Horde, it's exactly like that (only Halo). Players cooperate to fight off wave after wave of increasingly dangerous Covenant. This is the only actual multiplayer aspect of ODST (other than co-op campaign), but the game also includes a disc containing Halo 3: Mythic, which is just the multiplayer aspect of Halo 3 (presumably including the Mythic Map Pack).

The Bottom Line: I am very satisfied with ODST, and personally consider it to be the best installment of the Halo series thus far. If you are a newbie to Halo, this could be a good place to start, and if you're a veteran of the series, no reason to stop now.

FEAR 2: Project Origin

Guess Who? H4ZM4T with a Review!!! This time, it's for the Highly Anticipated FEAR 2: Project Origin.


In this game you play as Michael Beckett, and it takes place directly 30 minutes BEFORE the end of the First FEAR. You start off at the bottom of this giant building you find out you have to get to the top of. No You don't have to take the stairs (Though your teammate will bitch about it). When you get there, you realize that Alma (The little girl from the first game) is causing problems. How do you deal with problems? You ruthlessly murder them. After the explosion (Which you see, and it looks incredible). So after Alma fucks everything up, you have to find her with the help of some computer nerd named Snake Fist. Yes. His name is Snake Fist. But I digress, I don't want to spoil anything, but there will be a sequel. Or I will Kill.


So the Graphics are pretty much amazing. The area feels dark, dingy, and scary as hell. There is one point where all you see is pitch black except for a flickering light. After you pass a certain point, the light flickers and you see Alma standing there, but it flickers again and she's gone. At another point she runs at you, grabs you while you rapidly press the B button(on 360) to get her off of you, she politely screams "STAY AWAYY!!!!!". The game definitely lives up to it's title.

Another plus is the AI is incredible. I'm so happy that a company made a game with AI deliberately using strategy to try and kick your ass. For example: In the game there is a level with the school. Somewhere in that school is a play area with a big farm. I'm hiding behind the farm thinking "Those bastards are so dead," Until I hear "HE'S HIDING BEHIND THE FARM! THROW A GRENADE!" Yeah. I wasn't too happy about my following death.

But the BEST thing about this game is the Gripping story. I was anticipating every single moment of that game. I never got bored, and never thought "This doesn't make sense!" It is beautifully written, the voice actors are good, and it feels realistic in a certain sense.


Now to the things I don't like. The game is REALLY Short. I beat it in about 6 hours. Although those were 6 of the scariest, most action packed hours of my life, I still expected a lot more. You don't spend over a year developing a game to only have it be 6 hours long, especially if it's as anticipated as FEAR 2 was.

Another problem I had was the multiplayer is Mediocre at best. Sure, FPS Multiplayers are all fun and stuff, but you need to add your own flare if you want them to be truly amazing. This Multiplayer had no flare except the achievements.


But I have to Admit... The Story is too well to miss out on. If you have a PC, Xbox 360, or PS3 and Love FPS's, I highly recommend this game. Maybe the Multiplayer won't get you, but the incredible story gives it replay value.

9/10. Silent Hill+Rainbow 6=FEAR 2

Taken

For those of you who live in Europe and have somehow heard of this blog, Taken is old news. For those of us who live the States, its fresh meat.

Taken was one of few movies that I was getting really hyped about, because who doesn't like the idea of a feature film length clip of Liam Neeson kicking ass? I'll tell you who. Nobody. So when I finally got to see Taken, I was quite happy. And even as I was watching it, lines of excellent things I could say in this blog were running through my head.

Lets start off with a list of things I learned by watching this film.

• Do not attempt to fight Liam Neeson if you do not have a gun, as his hands are actually more deadly than a blast of steam to the face.
• Do not attempt to fight Liam Neeson if you do have a gun, as he will take it from you and shoot you with it.
• Do not attempt to fight Liam Neeson if there are any surfaces nearby, as he can use these to kill you.
• Do not attempt to fight Liam Neeson if you have arms or legs because he can grab them and use them to control you.
• Do not attempt to fight Liam Neeson if you have ribs, because he knows how to shove them into your lungs.
• Do not attempt to fight Liam Neeson if thirty other guys have your back, because he will kill them too.
• Do not attempt to fight Liam Neeson if he is handcuffed to a pipe on the ceiling, because he will still kill you.
• Do not attempt to fight Liam Neeson if he is in a car, because he can do some crazy car tricks.
• Every single car in France is made by Jeep.
• It is acceptable to drive through a trailer if you honk politely first.
• Even when his attention is riveted on a boat and he is driving against traffic, Liam Neeson is a better driver than anyone I know.

These facts clearly demonstrate that Liam Neeson is way more badass than Chuck Norris, and possibly even more badass than Clint Eastwood.

But on to the movie itself. Liam Neeson is Brian Mills, and his daughter is turning 17. Woo. Yeah. Oh, and he's divorced, and his ex-wife is now married to a super-rich multi-national oil tycoon or something. One of the guys who you love to hate.

After the party, some of Brian's old friends come over, and they have a barbeque, and he gets invited to help with security for some super-rich singer. He says hey, what the heck, and goes along for the ride. After the show, some shit goes down, and Brian has to escort the singer back to the vehicle. On the way, they are ambushed by a whackjob with a knife, who promptly gets his ass handed to him by Brian. I think he might have died, because I'm pretty sure his ribcage got crushed.

The next day, the singer decides to help him by giving him information to give to his daughter, who wants to become a singer. Brian is pleased about this, and plans to share this information with his daughter at lunch the next day. At said lunch, he is ambushed by his ex-wife and a form to sign, allowing his daughter to go to Paris. He says he'll think about it, and everyone gets upset and leaves.

He eventually signs the papers and lays down some conditions. He drives her to the airport, where he notices some scribblings on a map and finds out the trip to Paris is actually just the beginning of a trip to follow U2 all over Europe for their tour. Wait, what? Why follow U2? They're not even any good anymore.

Oh right, so anyway, his ex-wife convinces him to let her go, and then in Paris, Kim (Brian's daughter) and her friend meet a guy, share a cab with him, and then comes the part you've all seen in the previews. Kim's friend gets kidnapped by a human traffiking group, and then the phone conversation I'm sure many of you know very well.

So Brian sends some data to his friends to get data in return, and goes and tells his ex-wife and her husband whats happened. He gets a flight to Paris, knowing he has 96 hours to find Kim before she's lost forever.

He finds the apartment, demonstrates his incredible skills of postcognition, and recovers a microSD card from Kim's smashed phone. With this card, he is able to get a picture of the guy who shared the cab with them and called in the human traffikers. He quickly finds him, about to snare another girl, and bashes his face into the cab and breaks half his ribs, asking what happened to the American girls. A huge security guy messes with Brian, and quickly gets his face bashed into so many different surfaces, he's knocked cold. But OH NOES! The kid with the broken ribs is running away. So Brian steals the cab and chases him down. The kid jumps off a freeway ramp onto the back of a semi, hobbles out into the street, and gets hit by a bus. Crud.

Some more stuff happens, and he finds the first group of guys, and it turns out that if there are a roomfull of guys with knives and guns, with more rooms full of the same all around, Liam Neeson will still kill all of them, except one, who he knocked out using a nearby surface beforehand. (Seriously, surfaces are dangerous when this guy is around.)

The interrogation scene is particularly harsh. Brian stabs the man in the legs, just above the knees, with a pair of nails, which he connects via jumper cables to a nearby lightswitch. Every flip of the switch turns on the light, and also fries the hell out of the guy. Eventually getting most of the information he wants, Brian walks away, leaving the lightswitch on as he leaves.

Then you get some more thrill-ride action as Brian finds the next guy on list, finds his daughter, and kills some more people. He even uses a move I like to call "The Tom Selleck," which involves being on the ground, shooting under some low object. First you shoot a guy in the ankles, and when he falls down, you shoot him in the somewhere-more-vital.

Then he gets his daughter back, flies home and blah, blah, blah, credits roll.

The Bottom Line: Like action movies? Good. Watch this one. Like action, but think most action movies suck? Try this one, I think you'll like it.

Classics: Sid Meier's Pirates!

Game review here!

A classic game, remade in 2004 (or somewhere around that time) for PC and Xbox, Sid Meier's Pirates is... well, heck, I don't even know what genre you'd call it. Adventure, I guess.

You play as a young man, named whatever the heck you want, who is separated from his family by some evil count guy. Years later, he signs on with a ship. You get to choose, English, Dutch, Spanish, or French. As soon as you choose what crew you sign on with, you get a nice cinematic where you lead a mutiny because the captain is a total dick.

Nice! Go from swabbie to Captain before the game even starts!

So basically, the only thing that's really influenced by the captain you choose to sign on with is what port you start at. You can change your alliances in game easily just by deciding who to shoot at and who not to shoot at. If you're me, you'll have a tendency to shoot at the Spanish, because everybody knows that the Spanish were dicks back in that day. They might be dicks now, I don't know, I've never been to Spain. If you're my roommate Chris, you'll have a tendency to shoot at the French, because he just plain doesn't like France.

The game is essentially a sandbox, except that its filled with water and looks like the Caribbean. You can capture other boats, and create a fleet of up to ten ships, provided you have sufficient crew to man all those ships. Different ships have different stats, as well. The smallest ship, the Indian War Canoe, carries 50 men (75 with upgrades), something like 8 cannons, 20 or so tons of goods, and is the fastest, most maneuverable ship in the game. The largest ship, by contrast, carries hundreds of crew, 50 cannons, and hundreds of tons of cargo. However, it is clumsy to maneuver, and sometimes goes backwards if the wind isn't blowing just right.

You also have to deal with food. The more crew you have, the faster food will be consumed, and if you don't have enough crew, some food will go to waste. One upgrade can help with this. If you buy barrels, food lasts longer. Presumably without barrels, you just kinda tossed the foodstuffs on the floor of the hold, and it probably got stepped on every time someone had to get some rope or whatever.

The story, should you choose to actually pursue it, involves beating up the same bad guy over and over to get clues about the location of your missing family members. Once you have sufficient information, you can go to that location and dramatically kick down the door, at which point your relatives, who have not seen you since you were a little kid, will instantly recognize the angry pirate you and run up to hug you. Then you never see them for the rest of the game. Weird.

You also have to occasionally divide up the plunder, which basically resets your possessions and gives you the option of raising the difficulty one notch. If you do not divide the plunder, your crew will start to get irritated and leave. Before you divide the plunder, it is best to sell all your goods and every ship except your best one. Note that you do not lose any story progress or maps by dividing the plunder.

Getting on the good side of factions can get you promoted, which grants you bonuses, such as goods being cheaper, ship repairs being cheaper, and crew being easier to recruit, but to get on the good side of one faction, you have to get on the bad side of whoever they are at war with.

Replay value is practically infinite, as many events in the game are random, so it is never quite the same twice. You can also choose from several different time periods, which pretty much just changes the distribution of ports and cities.

The Bottom Line: excellent game. Highly recommended. Besides, it has Pirates in it. And you are one. Why are you not already playing this game?

Eternal Sonata

Hello again! H4ZM4T with another review! This time it's Eternal Sonata, a game about Classical music, crazy dreams, and annoying combat.

Eternal Sonata pits you in the Dreams of Frederic Francois Chopin, who, in all honesty, is a Badass (And a classical music composer.) What blew me away is that Chopin was a real person, and the stuff it says about him in this game is actually true. He really did fall in love with some girl who smoked cigars and wrote romance novels, and he really was a good composer.

Now, on to the premise of the game. You are pitted in Chopin's Dream, where he meets this girl, whose name is Polka, and she can do magic. SINCE She can do magic, she is dying. And because she is dying, everyone hates her. They go off, in his dream, and try and find out what is going on with them while Chopin is convinced this is all some crazy fricken dream and he's about ready to wake up.

The premise, though stupid, is actually not that bad once you get into it. I'm a huge RPG nerd, and this game made me happy in the fact that it had potential to be a good, classic RPG.

The combat, I will admit, is pretty annoying. The Dialogue is worse though. The only good voice actor is the guy who plays Chopin, because he's the only one who actually sounds like he's hit puberty. The combat was really fun when the game first started. It has this weird system where people take turns going, but it's free roam and they have generally 5 seconds to attack, heal, whatever. When they stand still, the time will stop, so they can prepare to do whatever. This was an excellent idea, until they decided that "Hey! We're gonna go and fuck it all up for you!" They added in a feature where your party gains "Levels." Why? I don't know either. You'd think "Well hey! I gained a level! What excellent feature does that unlock? More time?" No. As a matter of fact, you get LESS Time. Why? I don't know. It's fucking extremely retarded though. Also, when you stop moving, the time keeps ticking away. You know what it's thinking? "Why are you standing still, retard?!"

Also, aiming can be annoying. I miss all the time when I think my guy is standing close enough to hit him without grinding on him. Unfortunately, you practically have to rub your junk against the enemy to Do some damage. Also, the fact that the amount of light and dark in a level affects how you play is really annoying. Some enemies get stronger in those areas, and you can only do certain attacks in different light spectrums. Again: I have no idea who thought this was a good idea.

Finally, it's just another RPG. It's long, it's tedious, it has it's wonderful moments, and I personally like it. But you have to be into the genre to love it as much as I do.


For Classic RPG fans, I give it a 7/10. The game isn't as bad as it seems, but it can be very tedious, but for Regular gamers I give it a 3/10. If you don't like the Genre, this isn't a game to play.

Spice and Wolf

Can't think....

Sooo fluffy....

NO! FOCUS!

So anyway, Spice and Wolf is an anime show. I have just watched the first season, which consists of 13 episodes. It has been renewed for a second season, which is supposed to air this Summer in Japan. We English speaking folks can expect subtitled versions sometime after that. Probably not too long.

So anyway, the show follows a merchant named Craft Lawrence, who travels all over the place messing with people in order to make money. One night, he finds a naked girl sleeping among the furs in the back of his wagon.

Now, why he objects to this is completely beyond me, but he does, and as he tries to wake her, he notices she has ears and a tail. A big fluffy, huggable tail that I want to stick my face in.

NO! FOCUS!

This girl turns out to be Horo, the Wise Wolf, who is the goddess of the harvest, or the wheat, or something. Honestly, I was distracted by the tail, and might have missed a few lines of dialogue. After she steals some of his jerky and eats it, he asks to see her real form, and then I'm not even sure what happens, but he gets knocked out or something. Horo appears naked in the show many times, but its never explicit, and she doesn't have any nipples.

So anyway, some more stuff happens, and she ends up accompanying him on his journeys to sell stuff. And he finds that a cute girl is a good way to throw shopkeepers off guard and get them to sell things unreasonably cheap.

The show is undeniably slow paced, and yet, for some reason, incredibly riveting. The tail is certainly part of it, but it alone cannot explain why I found myself so glued to the show, episode after episode. There are moments of intense action and conflict, but honestly, they are few and far between, and much of the show is driven by dialogue.

Twice in the first season, Horo turns into a huge fucking red wolf and kicks total ass, which more than makes up for the overall slow pace of the show.

The Bottom Line: Excellent anime, but I'm not sure why its so good. And be careful if you Google it. There are a lot of Horo pronz out there on the interwebs.